First up, what qualifies me to write this?
Sadly, I know a thing or two about the emotional intricacies and impact of violence. You might have seen my Goalcast video on surviving domestic violence that has been viewed over 70 million times.
With that being said, I have also been physically violent throughout my life and not very good at setting emotional boundaries.
This is not easy to admit, but I write about it in great detail in my latest book called Be The Love. It's a book about manifesting deep emotional boundaries within myself to create happiness and a path of healing.
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoingRUMI
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.”
When we mess up, we need to clean up. This is the realization that brings us to the path of healing.
If you've ever lashed out at another person – more than likely you feel like a jackass. I know I have behind closed doors and throughout my life.
Any time I've lashed out before there is something that I call a “shame cloud” that hangs over my head and needs some time, therapy and space to clear a path forward.
I've done a lot of inner-work around this and I can see the pain instantly in someone that lashes out and gets violent (physically or verbally).
You see, the healing path is a balance of self-compassion, setting boundaries, kindness and forgiveness.
So here it is, purely from my own perspective. I'm curious what will resonate for you in your own life.
6 Powerful Ways To Create Emotional Boundaries
1. Remember that violence is never the answer
Lashing out in violence always creates more problems. This is why we teach “no smacking” to our kids, right? I remember many years ago, my ex-husband told me he was raised to believe that if someone hits you, then you hit them back. Whereas, I was raised to believe that two wrongs, don't make a right.
Violence manifests when we feel powerless and not in control of our emotional state.
Boundary idea: breathe through the emotions and keep your cool.
2. You have a choice how you react
The actions we choose to take always carry energetic repercussions. If someone offends you, or is unkind, you can own your power and not respond. Don't give it the time of day.
Spend your energy wisely. As a sovereign being you are always at a point of choice. Own your power and remember your own truth.
Boundary idea: choose love over fear and remember the choice you have in HOW you react to something.
3. Don't assume
The media gives us tiny snapshots of really complex stories and issue. So too does our own personal dramas and seasons of upheaval. We're then left to decipher the intention, the meaning and the cause. Unless we were there, then it's virtually impossible to understand how someone gets to a boiling point within to resolve a situation with violence. We don't truly know what's going on, and maybe we don't want to.
Boundary idea: mind your business.
4. Addiction to drama
Most (not all) magazines, media outlets, advertising campaigns are targeting your doubts, insecurities and fears. This isn't anything new either.
Just look at the formulaic popularity of reality TV. We find ourselves glued to a screen when something bad, juicy or unfortunate happens. These shows are intentionally produced this way to feed your curiosity and feed an addiction to drama.
Boundary idea: Switch off the TV.
5. Hurt people, hurt people
If you've been hurt then you don't need to keep the cycle going. School bullies, online trolls, cheaters, narcissists (I am very reluctant to use labels here) etc – they are all wounded people stuck in a dysfunctional cycle they have the power to break. A need is not being met on some level. Beliefs were seeded prior to the age of seven and the beauty is that we have the power to change.
Boundary idea : lead with love and kindness and remember that you are enough.
6. Remember to Feel, Heal + Reveal
In my book BE THE LOVE, I teach a powerful 3-step process called Feel, Heal and Reveal.
Feel: Allow yourself to wholeheartedly explore your emotions and activate your intuition. You do this through choosing alignment, exploring truth, being grounded in your body and moving towards togetherness instead of separation.
Heal: Embrace your imperfections, surrender to what is, and become more intentional in your life to take responsibility for your own well-being and for your purpose on this planet.
Reveal: Trust that you are always guided on your journey and have access to infinite wisdom and inspired ideas that will illuminate an empowered path forward.
Boundary idea: Next time you find yourself needing to cool your jets then try the BE THE LOVE 3-step process for yourself.