Relationships were probably invented by the Universe to test our souls to their outer limits. In fact, relationships are one of the fastest ways to grow and evolve as human beings once we figure out how to not take everything so damn personally. At some point you must have put your hand up to do the “intense spiritual work” required for soul-growth and all of a sudden you find yourself extremely triggered and irritated by the person you originally fell blissfully in love with many moons ago.
This, my lovely friend, is totally normal…
The toilet seat is down, the toothpaste is squeezed from the middle of the tube, sex might be experiencing a dry spell, you're not truly in-sync with one another and the iPhone gets touched more in the bedroom than you do.
Marriage is a journey. It’s definitely not for everyone, but the rewards infinitely outweigh the irksome ways our egos interfere with the trajectory of happiness.
When I told my husband that I was writing this post he seemed a little concerned (bless his heart). He asked me if it’s stuff we “actually do” and practice. I told him exactly what I’m going to tell you…
Yes, we do this stuff. We don’t always do this stuff and remember to use our superpowers, but for a vast majority of the time we live in a state of joyful love and flow. So without further ago, here are The 15 Things You Need to Do For A Relationship To Last…(because you’re willing to do anything it takes to strengthen your union).
1. Laugh as much as you can together
Life is funny. Humor is infectious and builds connection. It lightens the mood and opens your heart.
2. Listen to one another
Be the safe space for your partner’s words to land. Make them feel heard and understood. That way, they will feel cherished.
3. Give space when it’s needed
Confession: this one has been tough for me. Something that’s helped a lot is not needed to fix things immediately. It’s okay to have conflict simmer out over a period of time. Usually allowing space prompts the “make up” time to happen sooner. The traditional “people pleaser” might have trouble with developing this skill but it will be well worth it, I promise.
4. Figure out your love language
Is it words, touch, acts of service or gifts? Tune in to what your parter needs and deliver the goodies.
5. Have a safety word
When shit hits the fan (and it will), be like the clever people that enjoy S+M and bust out a pre-arranged safety word. This will prevent you from flipping your lid in front of your kids or saying nasty shit you can't take back. Remember, words have serious power to hurt and to heal. The safety word (once set in place) will be mutually honored and everyone will retreat to their corners.
6. Surprises go a long way
Flowers, gifts, love notes, picnics, bubble baths, sexy undies, a cold beer etc. make your spouse feel so loved. This energy shakes things up a bit.
7. Remember equality
You are both equally as important and both of your needs need to be met. There is no room for the victim mentality in a mutually supportive marriage. You're both committed to showing up and using your personal vote with each and every decision.
8. Design your own boundaries
Create a set of predefined relationship rules. For instance, if your partner wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing that you are doing something (emails, conversations, receipt hiding, meetings etc) then don’t create a secrecy culture within your union. Know the “deal breakers” within your marriage, but also know that when you are faced with them you are also able to cultivate compassion. Make your spouse number #1.
9. Release expectations
Don’t expect your partner to be able to read your mind or hold the power to make you happy. Your happiness is dependent on YOU. Release your loved one from that unneccessary burden.
10. Commit to showing up daily
Every day is an opportunity to show up in your union and make it awesome (even in the tiniest of ways). Remember that your mate chose you, not “Sheila” or whatever her name is that he dated a decade ago. The past is over and the present moment is your invitation to show up and be a lover, not a hater.
11. Date nights are important
Having fun together keeps the flame alive. Go bowling, play bingo, tidy the flowers up in a cemetery, have a picnic in your backyard, play strip poker, have a naked water fight or whatever will float your boat, cultivate the energy of fun, excitement and connection.
12. Schedule sexy sexy time
Make time to connect physcially to express your love to one another. Set an alarm on your phone to remind you to leap into action. In fact, separately set alarms and double down. Every relationship will have times where there is more action than other times. Remember: You would much prefer having a sex dry-spell than a LOVE dry spell.
13. Have your own money
By all means, have a joint account but it’s so important to have an account where you can buy gifts or surprises without your spouse finding out. Don’t do it for reasosn of secrecy, do it for your own sense of independence.
14. Trust is imperative
Bottom line, if the trust is broken you need help (probably professional help) and mutual willingness to rebuild the relationship. Trust is everything.
15. Say I love you at least once a day
Text, email, say it face-to-face, write it on a mirror just say I LOVE YOU. Life is so short and you never know the curveballs that life with throw at you. Make sure your partner knows that they are loved and appreciated on a daily basis.
16. (BONUS) Love YOURSELF FIRST and know you are worthy of manifesting your desires.
In order to manifest LOVE into your life you need to have a healthy level of self-esteem and self-love. The way you treat your partner is hopefully how you would want to be treated yourself. If you need a little help with the focus of your energy then I would highly recommend my Ancient Manifesting Ritual. This will help to get out of your own way and strengthen the love you have in your life.