You can’t see the stars without the darkness: On conflict resolution and self compassion

Are you a people pleaser? Do you try and make everything balanced and harmonious for everyone in your life? Conflict perhaps terrifies you and you assume the role that it’s your job to shift the energy, emotionally lighten the load and make everything peachy keen rosy again?

Well it’s not your job. And if you do feel this way, it can create a life-long pattern that leaves you feeling powerless and emotionally drained. You will manifest all sorts of obstacles that block your flow of abundance and well-being. However, once you recognize the pattern, and you can release yourself from this burden,  then the beauty of life starts to take a turn in a different direction for you to embrace.

The seeming mess, chaos and darkness that you experience in life isn’t an opportunity to be frightened. It’s a calling from your soul to rise up with bravery and face your feelings. Dive in deep – this helps to create profound levels of personal transformation and self-awareness.

Ever since I was a child I would feel responsible for the way that others would feel. I grew up in a home that had a lot of love, but a lot of emotional drama. It was a crap-load of dysfunction actually, but I wouldn’t change my childhood even if I could. My parents would argue almost daily. If they weren’t arguing they seemed to be so emotionally disconnected from one another.

This seeded a very deep belief in my soul…

When emotional shit hits the fan, I need to get it resolved as soon as possible because it feels scary and I feel unloved. I wouldn’t allow space to heal. Instead I would place an urgency on resolution as a self-settling mechanism that meant that I sacrificed my own needs.

I don’t think I ever really understood that it’s okay to have a time-out, to go to your separate corners and incubate your feelings back to a space of love.

In relationships I would bully the situation, I would force it, push it, demand that my needs get met in that moment without any form of compassion that the other person has their own way of coping.

Now, at 36 years old, after therapy, sessions with light workers and the generous wisdom offered by my dearest mentors, I have slowly begun to understand that space and time (and allowing for space) is the fundamental healing property for all conflict resolution.

Me – just like everyone in this entire Universe – is an ongoing work-in-progress. I slip up from time to time and lapse back into old patterns, but I am committed to cultivating the awareness that there always has to be a better way and that LOVE fixes almost everything.

We all have our own shitty demons to deal with and it’s all perfectly okay and fine to be a ‘hot mess’ for the time required to step back into magnificence again.

You MUST give yourself permission to process your feelings in a situation of discord BEFORE you proceed onto forgiveness. This is healthy. This means allowing the other party SPACE.

This means loving yourself enough to get some space to push the reset button.

Otherwise you’re sweeping everything under the rug, you’re sugar-coating a turd and you’re building a house on sand.

Get super-vulnerable with yourself. Seek your own safety from within and allow the darkness the space it needs in order to make those inner stars twinkle again. xo

If you’re interested in removing some of the blocks and reshaping your beliefs around relationships and abundance then I would highly encourage you to try out my course called MANIFEST. There are workbooks, insight journals and worksheets to get all of your feelings out of your head and onto paper so that you can create the most miraculous life.

MANIFEST-COURSE

  • I heart this article. I am a people pleaser and I am the peace keeper and counsellor between my warring parents (still together). Conflict causes me so much anxiety that I either have to ignore it, fix it, lighten the mood or absorb all the negative crap until I eventually explode. YUCK! I’m working on it but thanks for writing this!! XOx

  • This article is a great reminder that we can’t make others happy, it is up to them. It also reminds us that it’s okay for ourselves & others to have moments of conflict & know that it doesn’t mean catastrophe. Thank you for putting this out there.

Comments are closed.