Are you a people pleaser? Do you try and make everything balanced and harmonious for everyone in your life? Conflict perhaps terrifies you and you assume the role that it’s your job to shift the energy, emotionally lighten the load and make everything peachy keen rosy again?

Well it’s not your job. And if you do feel this way, it can create a life-long pattern that leaves you feeling powerless and emotionally drained. You will manifest all sorts of obstacles that block your flow of abundance and well-being. However, once you recognize the pattern, and you can release yourself from this burden,  then the beauty of life starts to take a turn in a different direction for you to embrace.

The seeming mess, chaos and darkness that you experience in life isn’t an opportunity to be frightened. It’s a calling from your soul to rise up with bravery and face your feelings. Dive in deep – this helps to create profound levels of personal transformation and self-awareness.

Ever since I was a child I would feel responsible for the way that others would feel. I grew up in a home that had a lot of love, but a lot of emotional drama. It was a crap-load of dysfunction actually, but I wouldn’t change my childhood even if I could. My parents would argue almost daily. If they weren’t arguing they seemed to be so emotionally disconnected from one another.

This seeded a very deep belief in my soul…

When emotional shit hits the fan, I need to get it resolved as soon as possible because it feels scary and I feel unloved. I wouldn’t allow space to heal. Instead I would place an urgency on resolution as a self-settling mechanism that meant that I sacrificed my own needs.

I don’t think I ever really understood that it’s okay to have a time-out, to go to your separate corners and incubate your feelings back to a space of love.

In relationships I would bully the situation, I would force it, push it, demand that my needs get met in that moment without any form of compassion that the other person has their own way of coping.

Now, at 36 years old, after therapy, sessions with light workers and the generous wisdom offered by my dearest mentors, I have slowly begun to understand that space and time (and allowing for space) is the fundamental healing property for all conflict resolution.

Me – just like everyone in this entire Universe – is an ongoing work-in-progress. I slip up from time to time and lapse back into old patterns, but I am committed to cultivating the awareness that there always has to be a better way and that LOVE fixes almost everything.

We all have our own shitty demons to deal with and it’s all perfectly okay and fine to be a ‘hot mess’ for the time required to step back into magnificence again.

You MUST give yourself permission to process your feelings in a situation of discord BEFORE you proceed onto forgiveness. This is healthy. This means allowing the other party SPACE.

This means loving yourself enough to get some space to push the reset button.

Otherwise you’re sweeping everything under the rug, you’re sugar-coating a turd and you’re building a house on sand.

Get super-vulnerable with yourself. Seek your own safety from within and allow the darkness the space it needs in order to make those inner stars twinkle again. xo

If you’re interested in removing some of the blocks and reshaping your beliefs around relationships and abundance then I would highly encourage you to try out my course called MANIFEST. There are workbooks, insight journals and worksheets to get all of your feelings out of your head and onto paper so that you can create the most miraculous life.


Right now as you’re reading this article you’re either a glass half empty or a glass half full kind of person. You might even fluctuate between the two. Having an ‘attitude of gratitude’ in your life (and not just Thanksgiving) is a deep spiritual practice that can transform most, if not ALL situations.

Hypothetically speaking though, if you were sitting in a restaurant and your meal was taking a really long time to arrive do you…

A. Get really cranky, feel extremely indignant and allow yourself to feel the energy of being outraged course through your veins?


B. See the silver lining, feel present in the moment and grateful that you can even afford to buy a meal you don’t have to cook for yourself. You understand that patience comes to those that wait and that you can manage your energy wisely when annoyance potentially comes-a-knockin’

You wouldn’t be human unless you’ve experienced option ‘A’ over and over again throughout your life. I get it, I really do.

The art of feeling grateful in unpleasant situations takes a concerted amount of self discipline and training. Unlike orgasms (for some ladies), it’s something you just can’t fake no matter how hard you try.

You need to truly immerse yourself in the energy of gratitude.

You need to feel that tiny spark in your soul that reminds you that each and every breath you take is a gift.

Deepak Chopra once said:

“Gratitude opens the door to…the power, the wisdom, the creativity of the Universe. You can open the door through gratitude.”

Nearly three months ago I moved from Australia to Las Vegas, Nevada. This will be my first Thanksgiving while living in America and I can’t wait to introduce this concept to my three children. Whether it’s Turkey Week or Tofurky Week for you, the theme of this wonderful holiday is GRATITUDE and being thankful for ‘the harvest’ which I think is such an awesome tradition to celebrate abundance.

But as you’re inhaling fistfuls of mashed potatoes, taming wild children that don’t know what to do with themselves without iPads and you’re cooking up a frantic storm in your kitchen, how is the best way to remember be be thankful?

In concept, saying you’re grateful even if you’re not really feeling it might seem silly. But it’s actually an extremely powerful manifesting tool.

What I know for sure is that in life you grow the most when you are faced with challenging situations.

In Australia, I guess the closest thing we have to Thanksgiving is Christmas Day where you stuff your face with food, exchange gifts and pretend for one day out of 365 that you actually have a ‘normal’ functioning family. But the clever twist with this American holiday is that you have to be GRATEFUL! This concept is GENIUS.

It’s a cosmic call to challenge yourself spiritually.

At any given moment you have two choices…

You can either bring the energy of negativity, holding grudges, not giving a shit or overwhelming apathy to the Thanksgiving table.


You can fully immerse yourself in the true art of appreciation.

  • Appreciate the beautiful family and friends you get to share the holiday with.
  • Appreciate the food that you have to eat.
  • Appreciate the body you have so you don’t feel the need to harm it with overeating
  • Appreciate this moment in time that you are alive, well and blessed with all varieties of abundance.

Giving thanks is FREE, but not giving thanks is really really really EXPENSIVE. You end up paying with your health – mentally, physically and spiritually.

If you choose gratitude you will always feel happier.

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Happy Thanksgiving! I am so grateful to have connected with you. As a special holiday surprise I wanted to let you know that I’m having a GRATITUDE SALE by offering one of the most powerful modules of my MANIFEST course for just $9 when the full course is usually $333! You’ll feel grateful you checked this out:


When to Begin The Next Chapter of Your Life

How do you know when it’s time to start the next chapter of your life?

Sometimes change can be frightening and cause us to never take leaps of faith or venture out of our comfort zones. It’s often so much easier and comfortable to choose fear over love and adventure.

However, there are many little Divine winks and nudges that the Universe gives to us when it’s time to begin the next season of our story. These subtle and sublime signs can range from relationship breakdowns to health scares, death, prosperity windfalls or new babies.

Whatever it is, the “call” to commence your next chapter will be a very clear message from your higher self that the time is right.

And here’s the real kicker…

You either make the decision or the decision is made for you. Nothing will ever stay the same.

Recently I announced that I’m moving to America. In a few days I’ll leave Australia and move to my new home in Las Vegas. It’s time to begin the next chapter…

I’ve lived in New Zealand (where I was born), England for a short while, Greece for 6-months on an extended holiday with my parents, Sweden for a year (with my first husband) and of course Australia where I have spent most of my life.

Often the next chapter of your life is when you are ready to let go of certain stories that keep you stuck in your current vibration. You must have completed the full cycle before a fresh start can be obtained. Otherwise the same lessons will follow you around like a bad smell or a gift that keeps on giving.

I had the ‘domestic violence survivor’ story for a few years and also the ‘I’ve had several miscarriages’ story as well. The thing about stories is that they help to shape who we are – our identity. However, sometimes they can cloud our ability to truly know that we are worthy to take chances in our lives and try something new.

I decided to see beyond any perceived limitations.

I was petrified actually… of finally committing to applying for the green card. It meant that I had to open up to the possibility of uprooting my children from their lives and going on an almighty adventure. I’d never given myself full permission to be a grown up that’s allowed to live away from my family, from the environment I know so well here in Australia.

When my husband and I visited LA last November to show off my Lulu bump, I knew it was time to make the move. However, I think I’ve changed my mind at least 100 times, dashing between ‘yes’ and ‘no’ because I really wanted to make sure I was making the right choice.

Even yesterday I was afraid, and so I asked ‘my guides’ for a sign. A little voice in my head said there was a message on a book cover as I walked past a lady sunning herself on a beach towel. The book was: ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.’

Knowing you’re ready is effortless – you feel your way into it and it feels slightly scary, but thrilling at the same time.

It’s scary as hell, but this is how you activate the beauty of feeling blissfully alive.

Are you ready to begin a new chapter of your life? I’d love to know if you are, please comment below.
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(Extra Resources : Want to know the secret to manifesting anything you desire? Get access to my Ancient Manifesting Ritual that I used to manifest my green card, a soulmate, a baby, a book deal, million dollar homes plus more! Click here to find out more. 


How to Protect Your Energy

This is a note to all empaths that feel funky or affected by the energy of people, places or certain situations…

I used to be so scared of my energy field being messed with because I didn’t know how to protect myself. I chose to be fearful instead of seeing it as an opportunity to fine tune my levels of intuitive discernment.

My fear resulted in getting headaches, night terrors, mood swings and tiredness because I wasn’t willing to see the beauty in what was being presented to me.

I would feel thought forms from other people when I slept in hotel beds. I would feel deep sadness in a cemetery. I would feel pissed off in the post office or bank. I would feel fractured consciousness when visiting a family member in a psychiatric facility and the list goes on and on.

Over time I learned how to visualise myself surrounded in fluffy pink (white or gold sometimes) illuminous light. You could also see yourself ‘zipping up’ where your aura goes into fortress mode, unable to be swayed by anything.

I recently needed to get a set of fingerprints taken for my US VISA application. The police guy offered me a tour of the cells in the jail. These were nasty, pee-stinking, odorous, tiny cubicles…but I was curious to see what it was like. Before I even entered the building I asked for energetic protection and trusted that nothing nasty could enter my soul space. Afterwards, I felt fine.

At any given moment you start to feel energetically funky you can call upon Spirit (the Universe or whatever) to protect you. You are always protected and nothing can mess with you without your permission.

There are certain places and travels that you will embark upon in your life that carry a vibrational frequency that can cause your energy to feel unbalanced, affected and judgemental. The key is to know when to consciously close your energy and when to open it up again to receive all of the beautiful goodies that life has to offer you.

Many people make the mistake of staying closed all the time which means that they disconnect from being able to love fully, be insanely intuitive and wildly creative.

When you become conscious of when to protect your energy or notice that your energy is out of alignment, you begin to see how much power you have over any situation and this can be an extremely vital part of the manifesting process to fully accept whatever life presents you with.

You’re actively practicing to choose love over fear.

You’re standing strong, like an oak tree and nothing can rattle your cage. This knowledge gives you the chance to play with energy and work your natural super powers to create harmony in any situation that life presents you with. It’s all about being fully present no matter what.

Have you ever been affected by certain energies? How did you rise above it? Did it consume you? Please feel free to comment.

We’ve all found ourselves tired, grumpy, hormonal, upset and unsettled at various times in our lives. The truth is that it’s totally normal and human for things to not be all peachy-keen 100% of the time.

You’re ALLOWED to have a bad day.

Here are a few things that I like to do when I identify that my emotions are running a little haywire and bonkers. 

1. Meditate and chant

Take 10 minutes and sit down and quiet your mind. I like to chant sometimes, especially the Mool Mantra.

If you’re unsure about mantras and chanting I would highly suggest you check out the work of Snatam Kaur. It’s so beautiful, calming and soothing.

2. Drink more water

Your body needs hydration in order to function properly. Sometimes not drinking enough water can mess with your emotional balance. Make sure you drink at least 7 glasses per day.

3. Breathe

Take a deep breath. Sometime we forget that oxygen is our life force. The more we inhale in clear air, the more our cells respond with vibrant health. Breathe. 

4. Get some sunshine

Most people are Vitamin D deficient and sunshine has all of the rays of happiness you need to release joyful chemicals in your brain that lift your mood, make you sleep better and also feel a harmonious sense of well-being. Go and sit in the sunshine for at least 5 minutes per day.

5. Declutter

Taking some time to organize your stuff can be really liberating. By taking time to de-clutter you can actually increase your manifesting power and raise your vibration. Start by cleaning out your closet and see how you feel. It’s a great way to welcome new energy into your reality by getting rid of the old and making way for the new.

6. Unplug

In the grip of a nasty social media addiction? Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest can be all consuming at times where we’re literally absorbing so much information that we don’t always need in our brains. Commit to a full day where you unplug and don’t log in to Facebook or check your phone. See if you can do it. I DARE YOU.

7. Drink chai

Chai is a very calming concoction of spices that have the same power as taking a chill pill. Boil up some non-dairy milk, add the chai and add honey. Sip slowly and unwind. If chai isn’t your thing then I would highly recommend red wine. 

8. Connect with nature

Go for a walk and connect to the beauty of the world around you. This is the best way to get out of your head and into your heart. Take a moment to look at the trees, the grass, the flowers, the clouds, the sky, the birds and wildlife around you and connect with it. Breathe in the beauty of all life.

9. Make a gratitude list

Try and make this your daily practice if you can. By cultivating an ‘attitude of gratitude’ you train your vibration to be lighter and expect positive things to flow your way. Gratitude is a the secret sauce of the manifesting process. Buy yourself a beautiful journal and make lists of things to appreciate. I promise it will change your life and your outlook forever.


Hug my babies, lovey dovey stuff with my husband, have a warm bath, make cocktails, go shopping, eat vegan chocolate, plan an adventure, buy new shoes, consult my oracle cards, draw mandalas, make bracelets, watch crappy TV, buy myself fresh flowers, pin pretty stuff on Pinterest, call dear friends or write love notes, give my doggies as cuddle, walk on the beach, make wishes on stars, make a big salad, paint my toenails and the list goes on…

What do you like to do when you’re in a bad mood to lift yourself out of a funk? Please comment below. I’d love to hear from you and understand what works. xo

I wrote this about a month ago and felt inspired to post it today when I read that the founder of Facebook (Mark Zuckerberg) announced that he and his beautiful partner Priscilla are expecting a baby girl after 3 miscarriages in a year. He wrote:

“You feel so hopeful when you learn you’re going to have a child. You start imagining who they’ll become and dreaming of hopes for their future. You start making plans, and then they’re gone. It’s a lonely experience. Most people don’t discuss miscarriages because you worry your problems will distance you or reflect upon you — as if you’re defective or did something to cause this. So you struggle on your own.

In today’s open and connected world, discussing these issues doesn’t distance us; it brings us together. It creates understanding and tolerance, and it gives us hope.”

I felt so moved by this post so here’s my full miscarriage story that needs to be told…

As a society we need to talk about this, we need to vulnerable so that people going through this kind of sadness can feel the true spirit of support, compassion and empathy.

As a teacher of metaphysics and manifesting it was devastating when my soulmate and I lost our first baby the week before we got married in 2013. It threw my belief system into deep turmoil, and made me question my worthiness and my ability as a ‘self help’ teacher.

This would be the first of 5 losses over an eight month period. I’d already had two beautiful children with my first husband (the first pregnancy however ended in loss) and so I knew my body knew how to carry a baby and that it indeed could.

This time in my life, with my new man, marked the beginning of an 8 month journey where my faith in manifesting would be tested. I would need to get really comfortable with uncertainty and also to trust that no matter what happened was all part of a divine plan.

The second loss occurred on our honeymoon in the Dominican Republic. We had already seen her tiny strong heartbeat, and then I started to bleed at around the 8 week milestone.

For anyone that has ever experienced this type of loss, you know what it’s like to have the ultrasound technician break the news to you. Time stands still and you hold your breath because part of you already knows that the little being has already died inside you.

By the time I lost number 3, it was time to seek medical testing. I was now categorized as a ‘recurrent miscarriage’ patient. There were blood tests, internal exams, medication trials and even my husband was put under the microscope.

The fourth loss was the hardest because her tiny heartbeat kept hanging on for over 9 weeks even through she was growing slowly. My husband and I read thousands of forum posts online from women that had experienced bleeding during the early weeks or slow growth and their baby turned out just fine. This inspiration was so comforting in our time of need.

However, we quickly went from hope to despair when the chronically painful cramps really set in. I made my way to the emergency room where I passed my baby in the public restroom. I then placed her in a paper bag wrapped in toilet paper, handed it to the nurse so it could be analysed for abnormalities.

This was rock bottom for me. The sadness was intoxicating, dark and all-consuming… kind of like ‘The Nothing’ in the NeverEnding Story. I felt like such a failure.

After the 5th loss the doctor in the emergency room reviewed my overflowing stack of paperwork and test results, and said that it was just a case of ‘bad luck’. This wasn’t the most comforting thing to hear considering how badly we wanted to manifest a healthy baby. She also stated that my husband and I might need to look into IVF since there seemed to be no medical reason I couldn’t carry a child to full term.

During this time I realised how much women want to talk about the subject of miscarriage.

Even though as many as 1 in 3 women will experience this kind of loss during their lifetime, there is still so much stigma attached to it. I shared very openly on my blog and social media posts about what I was going through and it helped so much to know that other people had experienced a similar path. Hundreds of people sent me cards, gifts, gave me energetic healings, offered diet advice and the list goes on and on. In a sense the losses were a miracle to connect me to people that also needed closure and the option to open up an honest conversation about miscarriage that is so desperately needed.

Our souls felt so broken that we needed a change…

My husband and I knew we needed to take a break and needed time to heal (physically, emotionally, spiritually) so we moved states to live by the ocean. Within 10 days, I fell pregnant (again) accidentally. At 35, it was a statistical miracle to get pregnant this many times.

Number 6 left me bleeding at around the 6 week mark. Again, this time I knew the drill. It meant loss, it meant heartbreak and it meant that I would again have to circle around another round of grief for a baby I couldn’t birth.

Finally there was some progress when my new doctor told me I had a mutated MTHFR gene which meant that I couldn’t process folate to hold onto the pregnancies. I was also given a 50/50 chance that this pregnancy wouldn’t survive because there was some kind of ‘hematoma’ around the implantation site due to all of the scar tissue from the losses.

I wrote this message to my baby when I was waiting at the hospital to see if her heart was still beating:

“It’s going to be okay. I love you. Be safe. I’m grateful for you. I’m grateful to god/the Universe no matter what happens. It is my honor to carry you. No matter what the outcome I am here, I am well, you are safe.”

I truly believe that by being open to the process of loss that I energetically cleared the way for a miracle to occur.


Lulu Dawn was born on the 23rd of March 2015 – she’s a healthy, happy, beautiful baby girl that I believe was such a persistent soul that chose to be here to teach me that it was never a denial, it was just a delay.

If you’ve been through a miscarriage or know someone that has please let them know that they’re not alone. As horrible as it is, there is beauty that often emerges in the face of adversity. xo

I promise that even if you just give up one of the things on the following list of 15 items, your life will change and you’ll start to feel more happy, healthy and hot in no time. Are you ready? Let’s begin.

You need to give up…

1. Approval seeking

The approval seeking cycle can run pretty deep in some people. Once you learn to see that what other people think of you is none of your business, then your life will begin to blossom and you can breathe a sigh of relief. Own your decisions, don’t second guess yourself and stand strong in your unique perspective on life.

Affirmation: I don’t need your approval. I am enough.

2. Blaming others

The ‘blame game’ can be a natural reflex for people that are always willing to point the finger and not assume responsibility for their role or involvement in certain events or (in most cases) family dramas. Blame is a toxic energy that harms your spirit and sticks to it like shit to a blanket. When you become aware of it and banish blame then you will feel so much lighter, happier and healthier.

Affirmation: I take responsibility for all of my actions.

3. Hanging onto the past

The inability to let go of your past is like keeping it alive in the present. Ask yourself if you want to lug around the same baggage year after year. Or do you want to live in the present moment where the magic happens?

Let it go.

Affirmation: I let go of my past and honour it for helping me to get where I am now.

4. Speaking with food in your mouth and eating too fast

This is a two-part mastication thing to give up. Poor table manners are not very hot. So if you have your mouth full of food then please refrain from speaking – this will make you look hotter than you could ever possibly look spraying burrito chunks all over the place as you are emphatically explaining the details of your day.

And two, slow the eff down and chew your food. All of the magical digestive enzymes that make it a hell of a lot easier on your stomach to break down the meal happen in your mouth before it descends down your gullet.

Affirmation: I eat with consciousness in order to nourish my temple.

5. Thinking you have to be perfect

You are perfect, just as you are. Yes, there are things you can do in order to improve the quality of your life but everything right now, in this very moment, is perfect.

Affirmation: In this moment, I am enough.

6. Judging and ‘shoulding’ on others

My Nana Mollie used to peel the banana from the non-stalk end – really it made no sense. When questioned she would say it’s ‘A way’ and not ‘THE way’ – meaning that there multiple ways to do things in life.

It is our own programming that makes us think we have things figured out better or more efficient than someone else. Actually, it’s pure arrogance to think we have the right to tell people how they should or shouldn’t behave.

Judgement of others is an inability to see that there are infinite perspectives and ways of doing things.

Affirmation: I accept others for who they are and keep my two-cents to myself.

7. Emotional manipulation

Ooh this is nasty. It can creep into your life as blackmail, silent war or most of all entitlement issues that make you feel like you’re allowed to play and toy with someone else’s feelings in order to get your own way.

“Change or I’ll leave you.”

“Grow up or it’s over.”

Ultimatums are very common ways people emotionally manipulate others. And they don’t work, 

Sadly, we know the buttons to push within our loved ones and sometimes when we don’t feel very good about ourselves we know how to go in for the kill and push them in order to get our own way. Sometimes emotional manipulation is so well hidden you don’t even know it’s there.

Affirmation: I promise to remove any and all traces of being a sociopath for the greater good of the people around me – especially my loved ones.

8. Addiction to drama

Oh my god! OMG! Are you serious? Are you effing kidding me? She did what? Oh no she didn’t!

Yes life can be dramatic. As Shakespeare once said:

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.”

Being overly dramatic can have serious effects on your life. You get drawn into energy that doesn’t belong to you. You thrive off business that doesn’t belong to you. Lose the drama.

Affirmation: I refuse to unleash my inner drama queen, instead I choose to focus on energy that serves me.

9. Ignoring your intuition

You know, the gut feeling that tells you to follow your heart or avoid a certain path. You need to stop ignoring your inner whispers and listen to the voices (unless they’re saying crazy stuff). By following your intuition you all for things to manifest a lot more easily into your reality. 

Affirmation: I honour and cherish my intuition.

10. Hiding your dreams from your loved ones

Is you vision board hiding under the bed, or behind the door? Own your intentions. You don’t have to trumpet them to the world with a megaphone, but not expressing your desires to your loved ones is a powerful affirmation to the Universe that you’re not ready to receive your wishes. Manifesting requires fearless bravery. 

Affirmation: I am worthy of my goals, dreams, wishes and desires.

11. Feeling the need to be right

Very dear friends of mine introduced me to this question: Would you rather be right or would you rather be in love?

When you let go of your stubbornness and focus on agreeing to disagree you have just discovered the magic recipe for relationship harmony.

Affirmation: I would rather be in love than right.

12. Limiting beliefs, labels and statistics

You might have been told that the odds aren’t good, something isn’t likely to happen or that the statistics aren’t in your favour. Rise above it and hold the belief that anything is possible. Miracles happen every day.

Affirmation: I am a limitless being and anything is possible.

13. Control and safety

Seeking safety and control in the various areas of our life can be extremely cumbersome. It can show up as imbalance in relationships, weird obsessive behaviours and depression. Letting go of the need to be in charge all the time and comfortable can be the quickest path to liberation.

Affirmation: I release the need for control and it feels amazing.

14. Seeking happiness externally

Nothing can make you happy, you choose it from within. It’s not anyone’s responsibility to make you feel a sense of happiness.

Affirmation: I am responsible for my own happiness.

15. Not jumping out of your comfort zone

Feel the fear and do it anyway. Just jump.

Affirmation: I am open to new adventures in my life.

The picture on the right is of an orchid my dad gave me for my 33rd birthday back in 2012. It bloomed once and then dried out. I’d kept the plant, despite its withered appearance and watered it (rarely) thinking that one day it might come back to life and grow flowers again. I was on the verge of throwing it away, when I had the idea of seeing it in my mind’s eye blooming beautiful orchids once again. Sure enough, two years after it had shown any sign of life, it’s now flowering and I feel that this is a huge correlation to the story that follows…

If you’ve ever had a miscarriage you’ll know how easy it is to blame yourself and wonder whether or not it is something you did that caused the loss. Just like my orchid, you’ll wonder if you have the right environment for new life to grow. What I know now is that it’s a delay and not a denial and that everything has a Divine plan. 

If you’ve followed my story you’ll know that I’ve had 6 miscarriages in total, five of them happening in a 12 month period. I’m really toying with the idea of writing a book about the whole experience because I have honestly learned so much. Just as there is more than one way to skin a cat (such a horrible saying), so too are the various ways you can experience a miscarriage.

I literally had hundreds of different women (and a few men) writing to me with ideas (and some concerns) about what I should be eating, drinking, thinking and contemplating. I had help from healers, shaman, witches and mother nature experts all over the world. I consumed green juices, purchased expensive herbs and lotions and looked for signs that my soul baby was ready to finally come through.

Each loss was different and yet the feeling of failure would worsen. Honestly, 2014 has been one of the hardest and shittiest years of my life. However, it’s also been one of the best. Go figure. 

In June, my husband and I decided to move to the beach (Noosa) to reclaim some presence that had been sorely lacking from our time in Melbourne. We knew a fresh start would be the best thing in order to take a break from ‘trying’ to make a baby. Our souls needed to re-set, recalibrate and figure out a way to move forward somehow. The agony of loss after loss had made our first year of marriage strengthen our love, but wilt our exuberance.

This is a scan of Little Miss Prout-Simpson measuring 22 weeks and 2 days. We have chosen a beautiful name for her that we can't wait to share in just 16 or so weeks. 

This is a scan of Little Miss Prout-Simpson measuring 22 weeks and 2 days. We have chosen a beautiful name for her that we can’t wait to share in just 16 or so weeks.

Within 10 days of living by the ocean I fell pregnant with the daughter I am due to give birth to in March 2015. Our prayers were answered. 

Before we moved states, I had seen so many doctors and specialists at the Recurring Miscarriage Clinic in Melbourne. However, it was when I found a local GP here on the Sunshine Coast that asked if I had ever been tested for the gene mutation called MTHFR that I knew I was on the right track. However, by the time I found her I was already pregnant, and if I had heard the results of my test before I fell pregnant then I probably would have given up all hope and stopped trying. You see, the statistics were pretty bad odds and after all of the losses I just wouldn’t have been strong enough to face it all again.

MTHFR and Auto-Immune Disease

It turns out the doctor found the physical reason I wasn’t able to grow a baby past 9 weeks gestation. We all have two MTHFR genes, one inherited from each parent. Some people have a genetic mutation in one gene – referred to as a heterozygous mutation – or a mutation in both genes, which is referred to as a homozygous mutation. I have a mutation in both genes which means my ability to process folate, which is vital for baby growth is all screwed up.

Luckily early intervention with super-dooper doses of vitamins and regular shots of B12 helped me to get over each scary milestone. In theory, this pregnancy is a miracle. With my age (35) and my genes working against me, it seemed unlikely that we would see a healthy result. Early on I experienced bleeding, but after 3 solid months of morning sickness I knew that this baby was growing.

MTHFR research is so new that not many doctors know that it can be the culprit for fertility issues such as a recurrent miscarriage.

There are things you can do to manage MTHFR such as having a special diet and other things to avoid, but that’s a blog post for another day, or perhaps a book.

On the flip-side of this baby making coin, however, I need to acknowledge the inner work that needed to be done in order to allow the baby to grow and stay with me. 

I really feel that cultivating worthiness and letting go of pain from the past is imperative in order to move forward. Just like seeing the orchid grow flowers again, I held the intention that Sean and I were destined to make a baby.

For me, I made peace with the fact that I already had two beautiful children that made it into the world despite my mutant genes. I was thrilled to know that this is probably the reason I miscarried at 16 weeks when I was just 20 years old. It also explains why it took me nearly 4 years to fall pregnant with my daughter.

I truly believe that with a combination of understanding the physical aspects of our bodies and cherishing and understanding the metaphysical side to ourselves that it is the key to unlocking rich and fulfilling outcomes no matter what they might be.

The biggest lesson was the power of becoming comfortable with uncertainty and letting go of the outcome. If anything, MTHFR is in my awareness to remind me to take better care of myself.

If you’d like to know more about MTHFR please visit here. Alternatively, if you’ve suffered a miscarriage and need support please visit SANDS.