When I was 7 years old I watched the movie ‘Bedknobs and Broomsticks’. Part of the storyline is where they have a magical bed that flies away. Some part of my fanciful personality decided to tell all of my little school friends that my parent’s bed was indeed going to do the same thing. I was extremely convinced that this would happen and invited at least 6 girls to come over to fly around the city with me. Jeez, as I write this I’m really concerned about the grasp I had on reality!
That evening, my parents received a series of concerned phone calls from other parents saying that I should get control of my overactive imagination. Let’s just say I was convinced it could fly! I think Mum and Dad felt really embarrassed and possibly didn’t handle it in the best way.
I’ve always believed in magic, levitation and other ethereal concepts. It’s just the way I’m wired. But for some reason I was getting huge significance from fabricating a story that wasn’t true. I don’t think I even did it consciously.
Did I need more attention from my parents? Maybe. I’m not sure. But what I do know is that this story is one of the most humiliating memories from my childhood. If I was going to lie, I should have at least chosen something much more realistic and believable.
This brings me to the events of this morning…
Today, Olivia’s teacher pulled me aside and asked if I was indeed going to Egypt for the school holidays. WTF?
I felt my heart sink. The class had even plotted out where she would be visiting. My little Olivia is trying to impress people by telling lies and exaggerating the truth.
The first thing I’ve done is Google the reasons why children do this. Apparently, it’s perfectly normal as they are testing the boundaries. However, on another level they are seeking approval.
One article writes:
Exaggerated stories that involve bragging can be a child’s way of getting admiration or respect from others. If this is happening often, you might want to consider using more praise to boost your child’s self-esteem.”
Insert sad trombone noise here. Wah,wah.
A love note Olivia left on my desk this morning.
I do praise Olivia all the time. I don’t want my six-year-old to feel the need to exaggerate just to get attention. I want her to feel calm, safe and secure in who she is. Am I doing something wrong?
So right now, as I write this post, I am feeling like the world’s crappiest mother. Scummy Mummy.
I don’t want Olivia to go through the same emotion pain and distress I went through. And it is painful.
The energy of knowing that you’re not telling the truth is toxic. It does rotten stuff to your body.
So my questions to you, if you’re reading this today is: What can I do to make this okay? How do I approach this situation? How do I bring consciousness to the solution?
I’d love to hear your thoughts below in the comments section if you have any ideas or have been through this yourself. xx
12 Comments
This depends on how old Olivia is. Up until I was about 9 I would tell a lot of these fibs – but unintentionally. Remember children have very active imaginations and some things are real to them. When I was a child, I lived with one foot in the fantasy world, and one foot in this one – it wasn’t a harmful thing. I think I was just aware, even then (as all children are) about how ‘real’ (or unreal) our ‘reality’ really is. (If you’re getting my drift here Sarah… children are very spiritual!)
Yes, lying is a horrible thing and makes you feel sicky. But sometimes, children can just forget – and they don’t realise it’s a lie – it feels real to them. Discourage outright lying (I didn’t break the vase! It was the cat!) but depending on her age, I would let it go. All children do it and they grow out of it…xx
P.S I openly argued the existence of Unicorns until the age of 12 (shh… I STILL believe in them!)
Thank you so much Kayla! I really appreciate your thoughtful response. I agree that I should handle Olivia with care. And for the record, I do believe in Unicorns and I’m 33 in a few months! I think they live in a different vibrational realm and we can’t see them unless we tune into their frequency. Same thing with mermaids and the little people that live at the end of the rainbow
xo
Sarah,
Firstly, I ask you..would a scummy mummy bother to write a blog post asking for help, or even be concerned about this issue? No, she would hide from it so stop beating yourself up.
Now that I’ve said that I’d like to say this…you teach the law of attraction and I’m sure your children are privy to the theory and practice of this. Perhaps your little one has decided that she wants to go to Egypt and so has constructed this whole scenario in her imagination in order to make it happen. Don’t we all post things on facebook and other social media sites now about how our imagination is our greatest gift and we lament the fact that our parents and teachers tried to make us stop using that part of our brain…is it perhaps time to change that old paradigm and see this as not a problem but as a opportunity to teach your Olivia that her imagination is powerful. Can you change this from a lie into a wish or even, as a publisher, into a story she might like to write about the adventures you will have or did have on your journey.
When is it a lie and when it is our children actually hearing what we are talking about with regard to creating their own reality?
Just my perspective. I want the world to change and it won’t unless we teach our children differently than we were taught.
Love to your and yours x
Ann-Mhayra Aleckson.
Ann-Mhayra you are always so spot on. Thank you for calling me out on the scummy mummy statement. I think I was just stuck in a moment of not knowing what to do. And you are SO right about teaching her about the law of attraction and feeling her way into where she wants to be. Olivia LOVES Egypt right now so it makes sense she is trying to manifest an adventure for herself. Secretly, I would love to go to the teacher and say that just booked a trip to Egypt because Olivia inspired me. How fun would that be? I do love pattern interrupts! I also think I attracted this as a lesson so I could work through and release limiting patterns of my past. It’s a very interesting time indeed. We are the paradigm shift. Lots of Love and thank you! Sarah xo
All kids lie. And there is no single reason. Parents who tell them about Santa Clause, the tooth fairy or other tales are lying to them. When they find out they usually don’t see this as other than a harmless game. Kids want things and use emotional blackmail to get them. They want a bigger share of the pie than their brother or sister. They feel shame when caught doing something they know they shouldn’t have done. Our subconsciousnesses weave a web of lies and we get caught up. Parents tell lies for many reason, including being civil and being diplomatic. Our kids see that we do it and we can’t explain why sometimes it is the right thing to do. They see their big brothers and sisters go through puberty, fall in love and lie. The see liars on the telly all the time. They see it is how adults cope. They see criminals and other cheats glamourised. They are encouraged to play games, and to even become actors in school plays. Pretend. Make believe. A lot of this is harmless. But some of it isn’t. Parents and others have to negotiate our kids way through life, knowing which lies are ok, which are not, and where there are grey areas. If you feel guilty about your own overactive imagination as a kid, you might be sending unconscious messages that encourages your child to behave the way you did. You might need to think about this, but without self recrimination.
Hi Tom, thanks for your comment. I see the point you’re making for sure. However, I feel as though there needs to be a differentiation of the energy that fuels the intention. People that lie and intend to hurt people are very different from little kids that act from a place of harmless insecurity. I guess the conclusion I’ve drawn this morning is not to make her (or me) wrong for our actions.
I think Santa, the Tooth Fairy and other myths are harmless. It really depends on how we want to wrap it up in our minds. However, I did feel lied to when I discovered Santa wasn’t real but that opened me up to the possibility that other forms of magic also existed out there…like LOVE! I’ve been lied to by people I love, I’ve also told some terrible lies myself that created pain but the bottom line is intention and creating amazing personal standards for ourselves. This is what I’m planning to communicate to my daughter. I’m going to start placing huge emphasis on honesty as a core family value in our household. Today has been a great opportunity to bring this to my attention
I read once that kids at that age sometimes lie because they think it may just come true if they say it out loud! She’s manifesting!
In all seriousness though, I was a dreamy little kid as well and I remember lying a lot. It’s not a morality issue at that age, and it doesn’t mean she’ll grow up to be a bad person… and anyway, on the flying bed situation – since when is an overactive imagination a bad thing? I can’t wait to have kids just so I can experience that magic of childhood again through their eyes. I wish my imagination was firing like that these days!
You’ll be an amazing parent! And yes, you will love seeing the magic of the world re-sparked. I think sometimes parents forget that there is a beautiful reality of innocence they need to connect to. I love the comments rolling in from everyone saying that she’s manifesting! It’s so true! Here’s to overactive imaginations! xoxo
You are anything but a scummy mummy but I’m sure however that she will drag this post up when she’s 21.
I wouldn’t be too concerned. Someone in the class has probably been bragging about their up and coming holiday and she wanted to get in on the act as well. At least she lied about something cool. She could have told the class that you or Sean had done something terrible to her which would have taken a lot more explaining.
Let’s hope she’s just practising her LOA skills and that a trip to Egypt is indeed manifested shortly.
You are a great mum. x
Thank you so much for your beautiful comment Georgina! I really appreciate it xox
Embrace it. Egypt is pretty cool. OK so you aren’t going to go there in reality. But how about a staycation? Watch heaps of movies based on Ancient Egypt. I remember a very cool 3D one. Listen to “Walk like an Egyptian”. Play dress up – take photos. Eat the food (couscous etc). Make a game out of where countries are located, the capital cities and put up a map of the world on the wall. Of course, explain why you can’t physically visit Egypt.
I might go to Paris for my hols…..
I love the idea of a staycation! That sounds really fun! I think she’d love to pretend we’re going somewhere interesting like that
xx